I offer therapy for gay and queer men in Chicago, drawing on 30+ years of experience serving the LGBTQ+ community.
Befriending the Self: The Integration of Yoga and Humanistic Psychotherapy
By Michael G. Russell
A version of this article was originally published in Yoga Chicago Magazine a number of years ago. It assumed an Ego Psychology perspective, but the following is a new take on that article through different lens: Carl Roger’s Person-Centered Therapy and Heinz Kohut’s Self Psychology. Don’t be intimidated by the academic tone. You’re likely to recognize yourself in the discourse.
Across its many traditions, yoga—especially hatha yoga, which I both study and teach—often emphasizes the idea of transcending the ego. Students drawn to yoga’s spiritual dimensions are encouraged to cultivate selflessness, non-violence, and empathy, with the aim of achieving inner harmony and authentic presence.
However, this invitation is sometimes misunderstood as a command to suppress or reject the self, as if our individuality is something to be overcome in the pursuit of enlightenment. When this happens, we risk losing connection with our authentic self—the unique, vital core of who we are. In trying to force ourselves to be “good” or “worthy,” we may end up disconnecting from the very qualities that make us whole.
Many of us live under the weight of internalized expectations. In quiet moments, our inner voices reveal these burdens:
“I should practice with more discipline.”
“I need to be more flexible.”
“I must become a better person.”
These thoughts reflect a split within the self—a gap between who we think we should be and how we actually experience ourselves. Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centered therapy, called this incongruence and saw it as a major source of emotional distress. When our sense of self is shaped by external conditions of worth—what others expect or value—we lose touch with our own inner truth.
Yet yoga, particularly hatha yoga, offers a different path. It encourages us to meet our inner world—our thoughts, emotions, and sensations—with compassion and curiosity. The goal isn’t to silence self-judgment or eliminate imperfection, but to witness these parts of ourselves with openness.
I’m often reminded that wholeness doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from integration. From allowing all parts of ourselves, even the flawed or uncomfortable ones, to be seen and included. That’s where true transformation begins: not by overcoming the self, but by coming home to it.
Yoga and the Self in Psychotherapy
As a psychotherapist, my work revolves around facilitating self-discovery and integration. Drawing from Rogerian therapy and self-psychology, I aim to help clients reconnect with their authentic self—a self rooted in empathy, resilience, and relational connection. While psychotherapy primarily attends to emotional and relational processes, yoga offers a vital bridge between the psyche and the body. It is here that true self-awareness can flourish.
Yoga offers a unique, embodied path for exploring the self. Like humanistic psychology, it invites us to examine how we relate to ourselves and the world. Through asana practice, we encounter our attitudes toward our body—its abilities, limitations, and worth. These attitudes reflect deeper patterns in our self-structure, often revealing unmet needs or unresolved emotional pain. Emotions that may not yet be accessible through verbal reflection can arise in the body, allowing new avenues for healing.
Consider the case of Jeremy—a kind and thoughtful man struggling with anxiety in professional settings. In therapy, we explored the roots of his anxiety: early experiences of being bullied, parental emotional neglect, and a deep-seated fear of inadequacy. Through this relational process, we began to strengthen Jeremy’s self-cohesion—his ability to hold a stable and compassionate view of himself. Yet it was in his yoga practice that he encountered another layer of self-exploration.
Jeremy frequently pushed his body past its limits in asana, driven by an unconscious need to prove his worth—a reenactment of his childhood attempts to match the achievements of his more athletic brother. This overexertion became a mirror for his internalized belief that he needed to perform in order to be lovable. By encouraging Jeremy to slow down and attune to his embodied experience, he began to notice how his striving masked a deeper longing for acceptance.
Integration Through Embodied Presence
Jeremy’s journey exemplifies the integration of body and psyche. His anxiety wasn’t just a cognitive distortion; it lived in his muscles, breath, and postures. By attending to these somatic signals with compassion, Jeremy began to shift from self-judgment to self-acceptance. He journaled about his yoga practice, documenting his feelings when he chose to stop pushing and instead rest in a pose. In therapy, we reflected on these entries, gradually reinforcing a more cohesive and grounded sense of self.
This integration did not dissolve Jeremy’s self; it clarified and deepened it. As he learned to relate to himself with kindness and authenticity, he discovered new capacities for presence and confidence. His moments of “freezing” in work meetings became opportunities for mindfulness rather than shame. He no longer needed to suppress his embodied responses; he could embrace them as part of his whole self.
From the perspective of self-psychology, Jeremy’s development reflected a maturation of self-cohesion. The fragmented aspects of his experience—his fear, his striving, his self-doubt—were no longer isolated or denied. Instead, they were welcomed into awareness, integrated through empathic attunement within the therapeutic and yogic contexts. This stronger, more resilient self allowed him to move through the world with increased vitality.
The Self as Foundation for Spiritual Growth
Contrary to popular belief, spiritual growth does not require the annihilation of the self. Rather, it calls for the integration and refinement of the self. A coherent, well-nurtured self provides the emotional stability and openness needed for transcendent experience. In this light, the self is not a barrier to enlightenment but its very foundation.
Yoga and psychotherapy, once seen as unrelated paths, are increasingly finding common ground. Humanistic psychology’s emphasis on authenticity, empathy, and unconditional positive regard complements yoga’s invitation to embodied presence and inner stillness. Psychotherapy helps us access and process emotional wounds; yoga provides the somatic awareness through which those wounds can be held and released.
In Jeremy’s case, yoga and psychotherapy worked in tandem to support his healing. His body revealed truths his words could not. By listening to his embodied self, Jeremy reconnected with his inner core—his real self. When we feel centered and whole, our spiritual practice deepens. We are no longer striving for perfection but opening to presence.
So, the next time you notice yourself caught in self-criticism or striving beyond your limits, pause and inquire: “Isn’t that interesting?” Where is this voice coming from? What does it long for? This kind of compassionate inquiry is the heart of both yoga and psychotherapy. A skilled therapist can support your inner journey. A wise yoga teacher can help you listen to your body with care. The integration of these practices nurtures a self that is both grounded and expansive, resilient and open.
In befriending the self, we come home.
